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I Never Wanted to be A Mom until I Couldn't

Updated: Sep 4, 2022

Many girls grow up envisioning their life as an adult, married with kids and a house with the white picket fence. I was not that girl! My future did not include any of those things. I was going to live as a single woman in a luxury apartment in New York. My girlfriends and I "living our best lives", no husband, no kids and traveling the world.

Then I met a guy. We dated. He proposed. We married.



Five months later, I missed my period. My initial thought was, maybe its stress, because I had a lot going on at the time and my husband and I had been "active" for several years with no protection prior to this. Days passed and still no sign of my period, so I took a pregnancy test. Not because I thought I was pregnant but simply to rule it out. I bought two tests that day, just in case I messed up; because peeing on a stick can be a difficult task. I took the first test, waited patiently and it came back positive. I rationalized in my mind that these were dollar store tests, so maybe it's defective". I took the second test and to my surprise, it was also positive.

My first thought was "oh God what am I going to tell my mom". Then I remembered, I'm grown and I'm married, so there's nothing to tell.


I shared the news with my husband that evening. He was also shocked but happy. An appointment was scheduled with my OBGYN and he confirmed my dollar store test were accurate and I was indeed pregnant.



I shared the news with close friends and family. A couple weeks later, while hanging with friends, I felt discomfort in my abdomen. I assumed it was constipation because well, the ways my bowels are set up that wouldn't be unusual. However, my close friend suggested I call my doctor to be safe.

My doctor was able to see me the following day. He pushed, poked, and prodded the area of discomfort. With every push, poke and prod there was pain. He ordered an ultrasound to get a clear picture of what was going on. My OBGYN shared the results of the ultrasound immediately. It revealed an Ectopic pregnancy. He further explained an Ectopic or Tubal pregnancy is the result of the fertilized egg getting stuck in the fallopian tube on its way to the uterus. The fertilized egg continues to grow in the fallopian tube and could potentially rupture and could be fatal for the mother.



By this time, I was five weeks pregnant. An emergency surgery was necessary to unblock my tube and potentially save my life. My doctor reassured me that he would do all he could to save the pregnancy and my tube. I woke up a few hours later to my husband and doctor. My OBGYN advised me that he was not able to save the pregnancy or my tube, due to the tube rupturing and being beyond repair. I was devastated. It was at this moment, I knew how bad I wanted to be a mom, but I couldn't.






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